the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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