I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
