I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
