If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
