i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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