I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
