evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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