i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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