checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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