um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
