I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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