Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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