YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She is in my trunk
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
