my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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