so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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