Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just pee around me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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