We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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