i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
