I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
