we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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