Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
