My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
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