on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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