i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
