I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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