There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
