what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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