I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
