The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
