I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
