WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
