the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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