Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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