The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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