using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
