her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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