i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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