omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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