Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
