so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
