and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
