I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
