actually, I'm a sock model
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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