There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
