Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
