Whatcha textin bout Willis?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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