Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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