Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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