Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
