Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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