Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
