oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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