onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
