i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
