I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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