we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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