Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
