there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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