Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
