Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
pop tarts are not kleenex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
