I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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