hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
